Top 5 Vehicles for the Mayan Apocalypse: Ciao, vita bella!

December 20, 2012—Finally, the Mayan Apocalypse is nigh. So we’re suggesting vehicles to ensure that you're prepared while commuting. Who knows the precise moment tomorrow when doom will strike? Stay protected while crawling along the I-10. Go buy one of the following, before it's too late!

Kia Sorento Battlewagon

2004 Kia Sorento aka The Battlewagon

5. The Battlewagon—It’s survived the Mojave Desert, snobby valets and a Lindsay Lohan-like thirst for fuel. We’re pretty sure it can handle some fire and brimstone. Need more proof? Click here. Yeah, there’s only one Battlewagon, but it’s for sale! Bro, I like your face, for you: cheap!

Toyota Prius C Hybrid

Toyota Prius C Hybrid (photo: Toyota Motor Sales, USA)

4. Toyota Prius C Hybrid—Following Judgment Day, fuel is going to be even more expensive, obviously. So equip yourself with America’s most fuel-efficient vehicle. It just makes good financial sense.

VW Beetle

VW Beetle (photo: Volkswagen AG)

3. Volkswagen Beetle (A5)—The new, new Beetle can’t stand up to too much abuse but being built in Mexico, it may please the Mayan gods who will consequently spare you. Wide Open won’t give odds, but you’re probably better off in a Mexican-built Beetle than a Yanqui Cadillac.

Cougar 4x4 MRAP

Cougar 4x4 MRAP (photo: General Dynamics Land Systems)

2. General Dynamics MRAP Cougar 4x4—General Dynamics' website states that the Cougar, “boasts an outstanding occupant survival rate,” and has “withstood literally thousands of IED/landmine attacks.” Built like bank vaults, MRAPs have survived Allah’s warriors in Afghanistan and returned our troops home to tell about it. Could there be a better option?

Well, yes, one…

Doomsday Ferrari F12

Ferrari F12 (photo: Fiat SpA)

1. Ferrari F12—Let’s be honest, it’s armageddon! Nothing is going to protect you! The least you can do is die in style. Wide Open suggests crossing the pearly gates in a flaming red sports car with the engine bouncing off the rev-limiter at 8,700 RPM and topping out the speedo. At least God/Satan will respect your choice and bravura. Ciao, vita bella! [kiWO]